Broken.

I tried to tell you, but you didn't get back to me. You tried to tell me too, but I'm just as busy as you are. Busy, busy, busy, and so the lines are breaking.

Everybody has something to say, but nobody is obviously saying it. Everyone has somewhere to go, something to get done. But, really, it's the important things we neglect.

Times that I could catch you. Things that I could say when I do. Places we could go and things we could do, if only we said the things we ought to say.

Maybe we are busy. Maybe, more so, we are just ashamed. Ashamed of our silence, ashamed that we have no answer to give, ashamed that we've let the silence consume us so thoroughly.

We would assure each other "we are trying", but the messages don't get through these walls growing in time.

Life is growing ever difficult, complicated, confusing, and full - it seems - of endless tasks that will never be done.

Afraid and lost and confused and overwhelemed.
Pointless fruition leading into an endless pursuit of the wind.
I don't like growing up anymore.

-Rk

A Wonderful Weekend...

First of all I must extend my most humble thanks to Avi and her family for putting Daphne and I up for the weekend. They were most gracious. Avi, give your family our thanks multiple times. We had a great time up there. I look forward to getting those Japanese garden pictures developed. Next time you're in town we'll have to go to our Japanese garden in similar style. Hopefully by then at least i'll be able to dress up as well. Again, many thanks for a fun filled weekend.

Of the lost ones

It's come to the point that we're supposed to have a good line or two about ourselves. It's come to the point that "what will you do now?" have merged with "when are you graduating" and "oh, when is the wedding".

We all seem to think we want this. I'm effing terrified.

I'm one of what some of us have come to call the lost generation - a smattering of those of us old enough to have direction, but not secure enough to actually believe it and not sure enough to actually assume any one position. The list is still so full of "could be"s and "won't be"s and "don't want to be"s that settling on one answer is virtually inconcievable. And, it's at the point that the wrong decision could truly be detrimental.

So where do we, the no-longer-children of this lost generation turn? We seek careers, professions, jobs that we can live with. We seek meaning that we can understand. We seek purpose that we can life for. But each time, we come up empty handed with more dust and sweat on our hands than we planned.

What will we do. Where will we go. What can we accomplish.
The problem is we feel infinitely small and endlessly insubstancial and ultimately bored. We want to be alive for something, but everything we try brings us up with nothing.

There is no industrial revolution to become usurped in, no political rejuvination to become enthused with, no technological breakthrough to create new and interesting lives. There are jobs, things to do, capitalism to pursue. But, all of it has lost its appeal.

And so, we are lost in the sea. Swimming and treading and drowning in a storm we cannot fear. While the only message getting through is that we must be entertained.

But, more than anything, we fear we believe in nothing.
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Forgive me for the random collections of thoughts on seemingly random things. Perhaps it gets the meaning accross, perhaps it doesn't. Unfortunately, in my state, I could do no better.

Perhaps an edit will be in store, later. Then again, perhaps not.

That's all. Lost, lost, without direction.

-Rk